In Memoriam: Dr. Joel Stark

“Happy Birthday!” was how he started every class. He was not the kind of person to take things for granted. He was alive and breathing and that was cause for celebration, every day.

I didn’t know what to expect what I met him for the interview at Queens College. Everything I had been working up to was going to be determined by this interview. I had grinded for 3 years, changing my career path, working full time and taking part time classes. I was passionate about this and I was not going to settle for anything but the best.

I entered the conference room which would one day be my classroom. I looked around and took a deep breath of the surprisingly sweet smell of the windowless room. My seat was indicated by the box of tissues and the mini water bottle, signs of comfort to meet your baseline needs during what they know is most likely one of the most stressful moments in your life.

I was greeted by a tall, warm, elderly man who introduced himself as Dr. Stark. Patricia McCaul was behind him with her poised, peaceful smile.

“Please sit down and make yourself comfortable.”  He said.

After we all shook hands I took my seat and smiled awkwardly back at them. I don’t remember how we transitioned, or what was said, but the next thing I know I am talking about how surprisingly flavorful the Thai chili sauce from Trader Joes is. Dr. Stark tilted his head and nodded.

“I love a good chili sauce, I can’t seem to get mine right. I will definitely have to try that…. Are you still nervous?” he asked. His smile was like sunshine and his eyes had a deep sincerity that set all my nerves at ease.

“No, I am far from nervous. I feel like I am at home.” I said. He looked at Professor McCaul and nodded.

I was home. Home is as much a feeling as it is a place because our memories can make us feel at home no matter where we are.

Throughout my two years there, Dr. Stark taught me countless lessons. Not just as an SLP student, but as a man in a field dominated by women and how to be gentleman amongst them. He embodied all the traits I aspire to have.

He was bold, articulate, sincere, and taught with a fervent passion that inspired his students to achieve greatness. He was never self-conscious or shy about sharing his beliefs. He was firm in his convictions and explained them with rigor and clarity. He was open to opposition and he welcomed productive conversations. He taught me that you can be assertive without being overly aggressive and tact is often a much greater strategy than force.

We were the smiling class because when we were asked a question there would be crickets chirping and grinning faces. He countered this by making chips with our names on it. After a while, he would just reach in the bin, pull out a token read the name and then ask the question. This changed our behavior and naturally opened us up more.

Dr. Stark was proud of his work. He is one of the founding fathers of the field. He saw it built from the ground up. He took great pride in what ASHA had become. He made sure we knew that we were ASHA. It was not some mythical organization we pay $250 to every year, it is us. Our ethics, our choices don’t just represent ourselves as individual clinicians but the organization that unites us.

He instilled virtues in us by having each class make their own rules to live by. We each had to recite them frequently, to the point that everyone knew them. So here goes my 11-year memory:

A child is a child is a child

Treat the child not the disorder

Labels are for cans

Love the child or get out

If you are unhappy, the client will be unhappy.

Don’t just teach the clients, learn from them.

Never be afraid to ask questions.

Okay, I looked up the last 3. But unearthing his emails revealed how engaging he was. He wrote to me after every article I published in the Leader. He always remembered the smallest identifying details, like a little folder of each student in the archives of his memory.

I have grown lax on my buzzing for referring to our profession as speech pathologists or speech teachers, but I cringe every time. His spirit lives on whenever we hear someone say “speech” without the language. We have the impulse to buzz them and wag our finger.

He was a mentor, a creator, and a guardian of integrity. He put his passion to instill the highest virtues into the next generation at the forefront of his ambition. I am honored to have been his student. I will continue his legacy by inspiring others in the same manner he has inspired me.

It’s wine time Dr. Stark. Your glass is always full in our hearts.